© Jack Cashill
WND.com - June 3, 2015 

With all due to respect to America’s best comedian, Jeff Foxworthy:

• If you went to the local adoption agency and asked for a gay baby, you just might be a liberal.

• If you have ever walked around campus with a mattress on your back, you just might be a liberal.

• If you dumped a glass of water on your brother-in-law when he referred to Elizabeth Warren as “Pocahontas,” you just might be a liberal.

• If you identify as a lesbian but actually like men, you just might be a liberal.

• If you gave a standing O to “Book of Mormon” on Broadway, but denounced the video trailer for “ Innocence of Muslims” as "disgusting and reprehensible," you just might be a liberal, or, in fact, Hillary Clinton.

• If you’ve desperately combed through your address file looking for a black person to invite to your daughter’s wedding, you are almost surely a liberal.

• If you’re idea of a classic car is a 1997 Prius, you just might be a liberal.

• If the name “Frank Marshall Davis” doesn’t ring a bell, you just might be a liberal.

• If you’ve ever actually said the word “meme” out loud, you just might be a liberal.

• If you work for Planned Parenthood and have a “Black Lives Matter” bumper sticker on your car, you are definitely a liberal.

• If you scrunch up your face and wave your hand in front of your nose when you pass a smoker, you just might be a liberal.

• If you don’t even know anyone with more than two children, you just might be a liberal.

• If you thought Barack Obama deserved his Nobel Peace Prize, you just might be a liberal.

• If, on those rare occasions that you think about God, you think of Him as her, you just might be a liberal.

• If you have ever attended a candlelight vigil to protest something that proved to be a hoax, you just might be a liberal.

• If you have used the word “undocumented” as something other than a punch line for a joke, you just might be a liberal.

• If the only kind of gun you allow in your house is for caulking, you just might be a liberal.

• If you don’t flinch at least just a little bit when a man introduces another man as his “husband,” you just might be a liberal.

• If you’ve ever watched a war movie and rooted for the other guys, you just might be a liberal.

• If you send your kid to an urban public high school that calls itself an “academy,” you just might be a liberal.

• If you send your kid to an urban public high school that doesn’t call itself an “academy,” you surely are a liberal.

• If you laugh at people who protest embryonic stem cell research but refuse to eat GMOs, you just might be a liberal.

• If you’ve already scolded your neighbor for calling Bruce Jenner “Bruce Jenner,” you just might be a liberal.

• If you have Michael Brown’s birthday marked off in your date book, you just might be a liberal.

• If you make your kid wear a helmet when he plays on a jungle gym, you just might be a liberal.

• If you brag about your compost pile, you just might be a liberal.

• If you’re brag about your compost pile, and you live in an apartment, you certainly are a liberal.

• If you dragged your kids to the first midnight showing of “Selma,” you just might be a liberal.

• If you’ve ever said—or even thought—“I don’t mind paying taxes,” you just might be a liberal.

• If you insist on pronouncing Nicaragua correctly, you just might be a liberal.

• If you routinely use the f-word to describe making love, you just might be a liberal . . . or a redneck.

• And finally, if you insist on calling yourself a “progressive,” you most certainly are a liberal.